Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Hypothetical

A hypothetical question, as I know how much we love these.

Say you're a budding musician. You've got your mom's old acoustic guitar, you bought a shitty bass at a pawn shop for about fifty bucks, you're trying to write lyrics and sing outside of the shower and everything. But one day, while browsing tabs online, you find out something unusual. You're shockingly good at playing along with the guitar part for Everything Is Alright, written and performed by Motion City Soundtrack.

You blink, surprised that your fingers have suddenly gotten so swift and deft along the fretboard. Thrilled at this stroke of fortune, you jump over to the window bearing the tabs for Wonderwall, but... No, you still suck. You butcher a classic for the seventh time that day.

Frustrated, you flip back to Ultimate-Guitar.com, and pick another Motion City Soundtrack song out of spite, knowing that your ability to play along with Everything Is Alright is a weird fluke. But, as the chords for Time Turn Fragile begin their pop-punk earfucking, your fingers spasm, and start playing perfectly.

You're scared. You try a dozen of their songs. You can play them all. You throw your bass on. Every note is nigh perfectly recreated alongside the MP3. You even try singing along, and you're able to hit the same cadence as their singer with the stupid haircut, pitch perfectly.

But, every time you try to play anything unrelated to Motion City Soundtrack, you're back to your normal, rudimentary skills. You try other pop-punk songs, nothing. You try imaginging Motion City Soundtrack playing songs by other bands, nada. You even go into Garageband and try cutting together a Bloc Party or an Interpol song into the track, and every time the song switches, your fingers suddenly get stiff, crunchy, and you're normal again.

Four months of daily practice pass by. You're still the god of Motion City Soundtrack covers, and slightly, marginally better at playing songs by other bands. By this time, MCS has released a new album, and unsurprisingly, you're able to play along without so much as a second thought. But goddamnit, you still play anything else like a thirteen year old four months into getting his first six-string.

Then, a moment of hesitation, perhaps fear, perhaps dirty excitement. You close your eyes, mentally place yourself in a room with the rest of Motion City Soundtrack, and write down a few dozen lines of lyrics. You focus, pull out your guitar, and make up some chords. Ditto your bass, and you even pat out a drum rhythm on your desk. You record each of the layers into your audio software of choice, and god damn it all, you have just created what sounds like the hit single for a new Motion City Soundtrack album, words and all, only different if that the vocals sound like Bad Haircut Man trying to imitate you imitating him. You repeat this three more times in the same night, creating the second single, a ballad, and a remarkably decent b-side.

The question is this. What, if anything, do you do with your bizzare, newfound skills?

You forsake other genres in your creative output, you start a band, you neglect to mention you can't do anything else, you get signed, and you dress as differently as possible from Motion City Soundtrack from now on. You'll have fooled them all. But really, let's hear it.

Happy New Year!

I wanted this to be more elaborate...but yeah. Maybe later.

I could sing you some Death Cab if you'd like.

That was the first DCFC song I ever heard. 

Monday, December 29, 2008

Corporate Whore

I want more posters in my room. I'm down to these.

Tell me which I want most.

Bloc Party
Arctic Monkeys
Klaxons
Joy Division
Radiohead



Well that depends on the reactions you want/the image you're trying to convey. If you're looking for that moment when the cute brunette is getting the tour and sees your [insert band] poster and goes "Oh! I love [insert band] too!!!" followed by a discussion sex, then I'd say Radiohead is a safe bet. 

The Arctic Monkeys/Bloc Party ones are good. They both have considerable followings in the U.S so I'd say 2/3 of the foot traffic in your place would get/appreciate them. 

I'm conflicted with the Klaxons one. I'm not a fan of the poster but I love what stands for. Considering the relative obscurity of the group (sadly not everyone reads NME) displaying a poster of them proudly declares "I listen to more music than you" which...you probably do. It also broadcasts your support for an up and coming group and will probably lead to "You don't know the Klaxons?! Here, let me show you! which are always a blast.

The Joy Division poster is my personal favorite. After a while you get sick of the John Lennon or Jim Morrison or (especially) the Kurt Cobain posters. The story of Ian Curtis isn't that well known despite Joy Divisions relative popularity. It acknowledges a phenomenal artist who went way before his time. It's a great "Gone but Not Forgotten" poster that also looks amazing. 


In order:
1. Radiohead (it looks like it'll rock any wall it's on, add flavor to the room, etc.)
2. Ian Curtis (what Owen said, badass pose)
*The other three are sort of boring band pictures but I'll try to make the best of them*
3. Bloc Party 
4. Arctic Monkeys
5. Klaxons


BREAKING NEWS

I wake up today to see this horror of horrors on my news feed.

http://perezhilton.com/2008-12-29-engaged-8

And my heart sinks, for the thought of Zooey engaging herself to a twatburger with cheese is horrifying. Especially since I am way more attractive and way more available.

But then, a retraction!

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/zooey-deschanel-engaged-to-death-cab-for-cutie-rocker

...What the fuck am I supposed to feel about this? This is like a sci-fi nerd with a huge crush on Starbuck finding out that she's getting married to Malcom Reynolds from Firefly.

SOMEONE CONSOLE ME PLS

Look at it this way, buddy. It could have been worse. I mean, come on - Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel together? That's like putting my favorite ice cream on top of my other favorite ice cream. It's feasible that Ben Gibbard is on the short list of famous people we can most identify, so in that way - and especially when listening to Death Cab & the Postal Service, we are sort of engaged to Zooey Deschanel by proxy. Ben Gibbard is the Everyman of indie culture, so it stands to reason that instead of indie culture's pin-up sweetheart getting hitched to a stranger, it's more like your best girl friend whom you vaguely have a crush for marrying, say, your best friend. Despite a slight pang of disappointment that I'll never be able to have her in my bed (unless Ben's into that sort of thing), I approve.
Besides, maybe she'll lend her voice to future records. And that's just too wonderful a prospect.

I think that hoping for a sexy fun fivesome with Ben, you, me, Owen, and Zooey is about all any of us could really hope for.

As an aside, fuck you, Pitchfork. "
Cue the sound of thousands of blogger hearts breaking."

Couples therapy would be cheap. All Zooey would have to do to gauge her relationship would be to listen to Ben's new albums. If you're the Talking Bird you know he's tired of you burning his dinner.

oh my god. I just realized. What the hell do those two eat?! Are they vegetarians? Do they cook their own meals? Do they subside on veggie wraps from sketchy, independently owned diners next to concert venues? Or do they just dine on lyrics?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

New Look, Same Great Taste

Well, how's about it?
Comments? Criticism? A bit of angry conservative input? Eh?
Also, I was thinking of putting Google ads on it to make money on a per-click basis, but I doubt our site gets enough hits anyway for it to be worth impurifying our blog with capitalism.

I always approve of selling out. More specifically, my wallet approves of selling out.

Think we could get MTV to sponsor us?

Oh yes but seriously I like it it's quite good.

The New Look is epic. How did you do it!? We could get google to sponsor us and then click our own ads...I imagine they'd be able to figure us out pretty quick, but hey, we could do it from different computers! 

Thursday, December 25, 2008

CHALLENGE (Vol. 1)

Well, Matthew, perhaps this one'll suit you better.

Sixteen Track Playlist For SEX
We are all encouraged to put these together and test them. Preferably with sex. (Hey, everyone needs an incentive).

1. The Lemon Song - Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin II
2. Venus - Air - Talkie Walkie
3. Stellar - Incubus - Make Yourself
4. Revelation - Love - Da Capo
5. Yard of Blonde Girls - Jeff Buckley - Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk
6. Strangers - Portishead - Dummy
7. First Gear - The Rapture - Pieces of the People We Love
8. Cold Light - Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever To Tell
9. Tunic (Song For Karen) - Sonic Youth - Goo
10. Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf - Steppenwolf the Second
11. United Nations - Ravi Shankar - Raga
12. Halleluhwah - Can - Tago Mago
13. The Crystal Ship - The Doors - Doors
14. Touch I'm Going To Scream - My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
15. Free Radicals - Flaming Lips - Flaming Lips
16. Maggot Brain - Funkadelic - Maggot Brain

And for the record, in real life I would probably just put on Led Zeppelin's How the West Was Won.

I want to preface my response with: I have prepared for this question like WWII vet for Atomic Annihilation (bunker and all) or Michael Phelps for the Olympics (Merman growth hormone)

1). Staring at the Sun -TV on the Radio (Gay)
2). Wolf like Me -TV on the Radio (Straight)
3). When the Lights Go Out -The Black Keys (Straight)
4). What I'm Trying to Say (at least the first two stanzas) -Stars (Gay)
5). Young Lust -Pink Floyd (Straight)
6). Black Dog -Led Zeppelin (Straight/Lesbian)
7). We Own the Sky -M83 (Lesbian)
8). Hot Stuff/Wild Horses -The Rolling Stones (Pan?)
9). A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" -Fall Out Boy (Straight)
10). My Moon, My Man -Feist (Gay/Lesbian, despite the title)
11). I Don't Want to Miss A Thing -Aerosmith (Pan-it's a classic)
12). Sofa Song -The Kooks (Straight)
13). Archangel -Burial (Pan)
14). Mama's Room -Under the Influence of Giants (Straight)
15). Here (In Your Arms) -Hellogoodbye (Lesbian)
16). Animals -Nickelback (Straight-I enjoy its lack of subtly)


I had an extra 10 but then I remembered the 16 rule. I'm not fully satisfied but I can't remember all the ones I wanted so I had to use substitutes. To be honest I'd probably just blast Wagner

I can't imagine the sex you'd have to Wagner. Okay, now I'm imagining it.

Almost done with my playlist, but on the note of Wagner,
"I've never been good with music during "sexy time". Although once an ex put on Ravel's 'Bolero' as a joke. What started as a sensuous tease ended up as a sticky, intense crescendo for all involved." Bloc Party's Kele Okereke.

I thought that was fantastic.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

TOP FIVE (Vol. 2) - Top Five First Five!


Best first five seconds of a song (especially the first five, but otherwise the very beginning in general).

1. Touch Me - The Doors
2. Evil - Interpol
3. No Time - Guess Who
4. Back In Black - AC/DC
5. When The Sun Goes Down - Arctic Monkeys

BONUS Question:
Best First Five Seconds of an Album:
"Moon Trills" - Bodysong - Jonny Greenwood
Then Rebel Music, Is This It?, Tago Mago, Let It Bleed

A good list, sir, but HORRIBLY inaccurate.

1. Hard Day's Night - The Beatles
2. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
3. Under Pressure - Queen
4. Helicopter - Bloc Party
5. Peacebone - Animal Collective

And for the bonus question, a split between Disorder by Joy Division off Unknown Pleasures and Daft Punk is Playing at My House by LCD Soundsystem off LCD Soundsystem.

1). All Along the Watchtower -Jimi Hendrix 
2). Morning Glory -Oasis
3). Baba O Riley -The Who
4). Welcome to the Jungle -Guns 'n Roses
5). I'm Shipping Up to Boston -Dropkick Murphy's

Bonus: The Wall -Pink Floyd, and Kid A -Radiohead. Also Bat out of Hell -Meat Loaf. In fact that's probably my #1 for this question. It opens with an epic 2 min second guitar solo

Saturday, December 20, 2008

There Are A Lot of Brits in New York




It wasn't too far along before Liam Gallagher sauntered up to the mic and asked "Is there anyone from England here tonight?"

The crowd exploded in affirmative applause.

This couldn't be possible! (OK, it could be possible, but it would require practically every English person currently visiting/living in the immediate vicinity to attend. This would require an extraterrestrial level of coordination. Maybe it's a naturally occurring phenomenon). Assuming this did not happen and that the crowd was mostly American, I think their overwhelmingly positive reaction makes an interesting statement about the symbiotic relationship between American and British rock.

As we know, Rock & Roll inherited its sound from classic Southern blues, jazz, and (ha ha) Gospel. Early proponents of Rock were, of course, The King, Presley and Buddy Holly. These modest tunes somehow hopped ship to the MotherCountry and a few decades later a few boys from Liverpool were setting up on the Ed Sullivan Show.

But it didn't end there!

After the Beatles came the Rolling Stones, the Kinks, the Yardbirds, ect. After them came the equally iconic Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin, later the Sex Pistols, the Cure, and Queen (Dude, QUEEN!). The list goes on.

The bands of the early Invasion have passed into infamy. Their music has become so ingrained in American culture that it has become, by proxy, American music.

When you and your friends test your vocal range Bohemian Rhapsody or harmonize to Imagine or headbang to Immigrant Song you don't think of these songs as British, to you they're classic American Rock n' Roll.

It's quite obvious that the Invasion never ended.

When America retaliated with Punk, Britain came out with the Sex Pistols and the Clash.

When America swung back with Alt-Rock the U.K shipped over Thom Yorke (a devastating blow).

When America developed the indie movement England laughed and sent over the Libertines and the Fratellis.


This isn't a battle we can win, but we really can't lost. When you look, all these genres were born in America and exported to England.

I guess it's only a matter of time before the kids in Seattle or New York come up with some new sound and kids in Liverpool or Manchester listen to it and go "That's easy." And then they'll be the ones filled up stadiums like, for instance, Madison Square.

The cycle continues.

So the point/question I'm trying to make is: Why are the British so good at Rock?

My thesis is that their ability stems from their once being an Empire and history. They stand atop a mound of cultural achievement in politics, literature, philosophy, ect. They were (are still) a global country, often inspired by cultures not their own.

Another theory points to the Angry Young Man movement in the 1950's, which was an artistic rebellion by the lower and middle classes against the upper class and its control over the government and economy. The image of rebellion, a prevailing theme in Rock, was largely given to the genera by the Brits, with songs/albums such as the Sex Pistol's "Anarchy in the UK" and Pink Floyd's The Wall.

So, what do you guys think?

I think it's less complex actually. British culture is different, and as a result, they have a different mentality - not better, just different. Most of the US is sprawling land, or constipated cities. Americans want to make it in the world but usually to the extent that they can live comfortably in the end. Brits want success in a slightly different vein. They want to be James Bond, or they want to be knighted. And the rest are just desperate to get by. As a result, I think Britain encourages extraordinary talent a bit more. But this isn't the primary reason, I think. Class distinction is a powerful motivator, but music is an art form, and many of the simplest but most beautiful sounds have come from Britain (Lennon-McCartney's song structures, David Gilmour's guitar solos, Morrissey's childish melodies). It seems that Americans take the systematic approach to beat the system (get really good at your instrument and you'll do fine) and the Brits just know which note to hit next in order for it to blow your mind. Therefore, the question comes down to the art form itself. The real problem is how does Britain make for a more atmospheric starting point for musicians? Surely this is where Owen's argument comes in: the artistic history of the country surely supplies support psychologically and emotionally. But overall I think it comes down to just what I said: atmosphere. If you listen to Dark Side of the Moon, Abbey Road, Definitely Maybe, The Queen is Dead, and almost any distinctly British album, you distinctly hear references to things that are distinctly British: firemen with an hourglass with a portrait of the queen, etc. Britain is a grander place to live and tell of than the US. It's very difficult for a rock band to be "American" without being labeled as Southern rock or country. If Elton John wants to play honky-tonk, he's British so it's a stylistic decision. Same with Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and the Stones. The atmosphere is what makes British music. Sure they're geniuses, but the things they have to say - though no more valid than the things we have to say - are simply more musically picturesque. And seeing as music is an art form, that's quite major.
We must keep in mind that rock n roll replaced jazz, musicals, and Classical music mostly because it became about the musician than just about the music. Now I know there's this guy pouring his heart out to me and I can directly identify with him, rather than trying to identify with a character or God or a feeling by itself. From that perspective, rock n roll is 50% music 50% attitude. And let's face it. The British are cooler than we are. Why? Mostly because Britain is antiquated; they have that perspective, and the culture becomes a very grandiose concept (a portrait of the queen beats a portrait of any dead President flat out). And they can convey that inherent coolness through music. But that's why we have Weezer, and other anti-British rock bands, to perhaps birth our own identity-to-be through music inspired by something other than cool, something other than grand....
- Fool in the Rain

Your comment, "Now I know there's this guy pouring his heart out to me and I can directly identify with him, rather than trying to identify with a character or God or a feeling by itself" is inspired. It's also the reason why those art forms are yet to die out - the fact that they're being painted by the largest brushes of human emotion possible, yet somehow remain incredibly subtle. It's cool shit.

To echo what both of you said, I also think that the class structure of Britian plays a huge part in why they're so damn good at making music. For instance - what would Oasis be without their northern, working-class roots? Rock and Roll Star is all about the want, the need to escape the role that has been forced onto them. It's not an issue like it would be in America, in that if Oasis were from Boston, or Austin, or , it'd just be a song about getting rich and bonking girls. On the other hand, by being from British lower-middle class roots, it's intellectually closer to a negro spiritual - I'm going to break free of the slavery that is expected of me, and bollocks all who'll stop me.

The Brits really do an exceptional job.

End of Year Dick in Mouth

Fleet Foxes is #1 on at least five critic's end-of-year lists. I don't like them. They feel like music I should be listening to as I fall to sleep.

What about them am I missing?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Obvious



How the fuck was Oasis?!

The mindblowingness of Noel Gallagher cannot be described in words. BUT i will try.
The first hour or so was surprisingly underwhelming. They played a lot of new songs and songs we didn't know so well and Liam was a fucktard and refused to sing any notes for more than a split-second: he would cut off every word at the end each verse so as to ruin any flow or semblance of melody. But he let up after a bit. I have to say the best parts were Noel's songs: more heartfelt and honest but still crazy cool, while not being lost in his own god-ness. The Shock of the Lightning was about the fourth song and it was the first hint that this was gonna be an amazing night. Songbird was nice, Morning Glory brought the house down, Slide Away was also nice: clearly the best songs were the mushy ones. Rock N Roll Star (the first song) would've been spectacular if not for Liam's assholeness ruining everything. After the lighter-waving-worthy Wonderwall, Supersonic closed the set. We were happy, it was worth it, but somewhat disappointing. The crowd stood there for a full ten minutes begging for their return, and finally it came. But - what is this? - Liam's not with them! Oh, gracious glory! There is a god! At this point I'm so excited that I'm about to pee my pants, but I'm convinced that they'll only play one song, and their discography is running through my head trying to anticipate what it'll be. And then Noel starts singing and I almost have to cry because he's doing a stripped-down semiacoustic version of my favorite fucking song, and as thousands of people are crying, "So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as she's walking on by!!" my life is made complete. Then - another song! A Dig Out Your Soul track, again sans Liam. And as if this hasn't been enough, Liam walks back out seemingly without his ego on him, they start Champagne Supernova and it's absolutely unreal. I felt infinite as Stephen Chbosky would say, and it's a ten-minute song. More chanting, more lighters! Now, that would've ended the night above my expectations: they had me at Don't Look Back in Anger. But, no, they play a sick I Am The Walrus and leave us drowning in Noel's aforementioned sex juices. Let me just say, 2008 began with my discovery of a band that would make me feel more alive than any musical entity ever before, and just as it was fading, 2008 ends with a supersonic relapse into an obsession that won't ever go away. At least till the end of college.
Owen, your turn.
Oh, and Ryan Adams sucked. However, to our pleasant surprise, Colin Meloy was casually singing solo songs as the audience filled in.

I'm oozing envy.

OWEN WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Note on Emerson College's Critical Role in a Radical Social Movement of No Importance

Emerson College is the epicenter of this nation's ironic revolution. Oh, you've never heard of the ironic revolution? Well, admittedly it's a bit on the subtle side, as is the nature of all great sarcasm. And who's better at sarcasm than hipsters? And where do all the hipsters live? Underground nuclear shelters built in the 50s and promptly rendered obsolete in the 60s. [As an unimportant side-note, I couldn't remember the word obsolete (thank you, Owen) and in the attempt to remember it equated its definition with the social relevance of Madonna's sexual organs - but that's another post].

Emerson kids live in nuclear shelters? I think that'd I've have heard about that. It'd probably be a step up from the LB, at least.

/rimshot

Monday, December 15, 2008

Zooey Deschanel Teams Up With Marc Ecko to Fuck Up People's Lives


I read the news today, oh boy.
Actually I just glimpsed a magazine cover on my way out of 7/11. The magazine was called Complex and it had Zooey Deschanel on the cover. Therefore, I looked at it (all the other ones had a member of the Obama family on the cover). Now I had never noticed this magazine before (maybe it's new, maybe they've never had Zooey Deschanel pose for the cover) and to find out what kind of magazine it was, I read the subtitle: "A Marc Ecko Production".
Okay, well, now I know to whom it's aimed. But one other thing caught my attention as I was losing interest - one of the feature articles on the cover: "How to cheat on your girl (& get away with it)".
I know British reality TV has telecast a man committing assisted suicide. And who hasn't seen Britney Spears' gaping vagina?
But this, gentlemen, boys and girls, this is an outright travesty of modern civilization. The media stooping to new, ever deepening lows has reached a milestone: Rupert Murdoch himself may as well have endorsed the holocaust, as far as I'm concerned. A people's publication - a proud, if controversially so, member of the liberal media - endorsing (not subliminally so they can't be faulted, not deviously so they can defend themselves by having only targeted the already iniquitous), directly endorsing infidelity in all respects.
And may I here distinguish encourage from endorse. Encouraging would be saying to he whose eyes wander: "I have the means." What Marc Ecko has done is endorse: "Everyone! Whether or not you've considered this an option, Zooey Deschanel wants you to cheat on your lovers!"
And that's just not something I want to think about when I'm fantasizing about the cutest movie star since Audrey Hepburn.

I haven't read more than two words of this article yet, besides "Zooey Deschanel" and the photo of her in the sidebox. I just want to register my extreme excitement that I'm about to read this article.

Oh my GOD, she's so fucking cute, dude. I want to direct something with her in it just for the sake of having the cutest girl ever be the star and have me be really happy every day I go to work.

...didijusttypethat... Either way, nasty shit goes on all the time on the covers of chick magazines. They're losing readers on the conventional standbys, so they're just getting more edgy and extreme as time goes on. Does it mean the end of society? No. Though it would be amusing if it were.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I Feel Like A Twat for Posting in a Row

But GUYS, GUYS. A Boloco just opened up on the Emerson block. They're giving out free burritos. I had four. I am so happy right now.

Holy shit.


Dude, free burritos? That sends my Sketch-o-Meter off like a giga counter in Chernobyl. However... OH, it's a restaurant. I had this image of a guy handing out free burritos on a block corner, like they used to pass out Monster drinks from the Monster Pick-Up on Newbury. Even if that was the case I'd go for it. I mean, free fucking burritos.

Were they good?

Dude. Sick burritos. So tasty. I ate, like, four. Om nom.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I Enjoy It

We're at 22 posts. Currently, a blog record for me.

Also, what's our policy on posting bands that omfg you haaaf to listen to?

Damn we write a lot of posts

Nice.

Just How Right I Am

Rolling Stone announced their top albums of the year list.

I hope this proves how much I win.

I mean, Rolling Stone? Fucking really?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I am the Mrs. OJ Simpson of music

This post is about Oasis. But really it's about the last Top 5 and what it means for us all.
Let me explain.

On a fairly recent Super Bowl half time show, Prince pulled out a guitar and sprayed the millions of viewers - present and on TV - with his musical sex juice. I, like - I assume - many, was not aware that Prince could play the guitar, much less so freaking well. This is probably due to the fact that my only memory of Prince is this particular half time show, which is probably due to the fact that my involvement in the 1980s is about level with OJ Simpson's involvement in the world of romantic comedies. In any case, seeing this did something to my perception of pop stars: shattered it. Up to this point, contributors to the Billboard Top Ten danced well, and any other talents they possessed had nothing to do with me. 
Now, I wasn't that young, so I did know something about music beyond the lyrics to Aqua's "Barbie Girl" and the fact that Whitney Houston had a fucked-up personal life. But bands made real music, not pop stars! What this mono-nymous she-man was doing was blasphemy.

I stop here and move on to another anecdote. Every time I'm really into an Oasis song (every few minutes or so) I can't help but wonder who's dishing out the sick guitar solos. Instantaneously, I always answer myself: Noel Gallagher is the lead guitarist, therefore it must be him. There's a problem with this. Oasis is the DIY band of all time. In retrospect, most of their fans  feel pretty stupid that they didn't write "Don't Look Back In Anger" themselves, because the musical know-how required to do so can be acquired by hiring your three-year-old cousin Jon-Jon to tutor you in music theory for 50 cents an hour. Then we realize the naked truth: Noel Gallagher is a fucking G. 
In this case, G stands for genius. 
He's composed the vast majority of all the life-changing tracks of the slacker era. This, however, is acceptable. The Beatles don't seem to be virtuosos at their instruments, and with the exception of Harrison's early riffs, we couldn't prove this either way.  They simply came out of nowhere armed to the teeth with melodies, and it's taking upwards of 40 years to recover from the assault. But it doesn't matter anyway, because they're Classics with a capital C; they're not real. Oasis is real. (A week from now, I'll have the pictures to prove it.) But I can't be Noel Gallagher if he's so good. Do you see?! The appeal is that they're just a couple dudes from Manchester, but the paradox becomes that every time he pleasures me with his able fingers, I feel a split-second pang of disappointment.
Back to Prince. If I'm disillusioned by Noel Gallagher because he can play a guitar better than I can, I'm disillusioned by Prince because he can play a guitar at all. It's different in that I never wanted to be Prince. Perhaps Prince at that moment represented the outside world, the establishment in which I was institutionalized and had developed myself within and around, specifically vis-a-vis the arts. Noel Gallagher raises the bar, but Prince created a bar where there was none. I don't know which one defeats me more.

The 5 Artists Who Embody Rock 'N Roll


1). The Gallagher Brothers (Oasis): These guys ARE Rock N Roll! It's in everything they do: their boisterous, they fight, they look great in leather, they live fast and rock hard. (What's the Story) Morning Glory has to be one of the 90's greatest rock albums. Who can resist breaking into a frantic air guitar solo when the opening chords of Morning Glory flood the air?

I think we can all on this blog agree that the Gallagher Brothers are our personal rock saviors. I'm still pissed that I didn't get tickets to see them in NY...

2). TV on the Radio: "We could jet in a stolen car, but I bet we wouldn't get too far before the transformation takes and bloodlust tanks and crave gets slaked" (Wolf Like Me).
Yea that sums it up.

3). The Rolling Stones: You can't talk about Rock 'N Roll without mentioning the Rolling Stones. They defined what it means to be a Rock Star: The oversexed, drugged out rebel. In a way you could blame the Stones for creating an unattainable standard of psychosis. Look how many have perished in pursuit. Just because Keith Richards can absorb any substance you throw at him doesn't mean the rest of us can.

Yet, I think it gives the youth of America an admirable goal to shoot for. Being a bad enough dude to bump a line of your own father. Damn.

4). Lynyrd Skynyrd: We can't forget where Rock 'N Roll was born. Rock evolved from blues and jazz, which originated below the Mason-Dixon line. I'm nominating Skynyrd because their two hits, Sweet Home Alabama and Free Bird, are excellent representatives of both Southern Rock as well as American rock at large.

5). Led Zeppelin: I'll be honest, I've never been a big Zep fan, but I can't deny their incredible influence. I'm nominating Zep because they have inspired practically every rock band since the release of Led Zepplin I. Their musicians stand at the head of the Rock God Table, their symbol (Icarus, for those keeping score) is iconic. If the Rolling Stones defined the image of the Rock Star, I think Led Zeppelin defined the sound.

Seven Headed Dragons out West

So, it seems like Blur is reuniting.

This could be interesting.

So, let me get this straight. Damon and Graham buried the hatchet, they led the media on a topsy turvy thrill ride for a few months, and then they drop this shit on our heads?

I'm not complaining, but damn. That boy knows how to play the media.

Albern said they'd rehearse to "see if we're into it" (NME). That must put Blur fans on edge. I wonder, should they get back together, if they'll keep the britpop.

No guarantee, considering how balls crazy most of Albarn's latest stuff has been. Chinese Opera? Hip hop rock soul R&B fusion? There are no guarantees.

Monday, December 8, 2008

TOP FIVE (Vol. 1)

(Yes, Matt, I'm biting your color coordination. And what?)
May this stand as Keeping Our Day Job's first edition of TOP FIVE. Anyone can play.
(And may future Top Five threads be titled also in caps.)

Top Five artists you'd summarize rock n roll with - the entire genre, however you define it, for better and for worse.

Primal Scream - psychedelia, fuzz punk, blues - name a genre, I'll name an album they've made
Radiohead - between Pablo Honey & In Rainbows, what have these guys not shown us? and they're antisocial artistes!
Prince - the entire 80s in one effeminate man's discography
Weezer - they're nerdy, sexy, & have their metal moments; Weezer is rock n roll
Gorillaz - if this isn't a borderline, I don't know what is

Guns N' Roses - Such absurd, manic opulence and bullshit. An album 17 years in the making. The best of the excess.
Oasis - Two brothers breaking out of blue collar England to historic success. Let's be frank.
U2 - The prototypical "let's become the biggest band in the world" story, only it actually came true.
Art Brut - FORMED A BAND WE FORMED A BAND LOOK AT US WE FORMED A BAND. The do it yourself attitude gone mad in the best way.
Joy Division - A generation's tragic hero, and an inspiration for those who followed.