New Year's Hypothetical

A hypothetical question, as I know how much we love these.

Say you're a budding musician. You've got your mom's old acoustic guitar, you bought a shitty bass at a pawn shop for about fifty bucks, you're trying to write lyrics and sing outside of the shower and everything. But one day, while browsing tabs online, you find out something unusual. You're shockingly good at playing along with the guitar part for Everything Is Alright, written and performed by Motion City Soundtrack.

You blink, surprised that your fingers have suddenly gotten so swift and deft along the fretboard. Thrilled at this stroke of fortune, you jump over to the window bearing the tabs for Wonderwall, but... No, you still suck. You butcher a classic for the seventh time that day.

Frustrated, you flip back to Ultimate-Guitar.com, and pick another Motion City Soundtrack song out of spite, knowing that your ability to play along with Everything Is Alright is a weird fluke. But, as the chords for Time Turn Fragile begin their pop-punk earfucking, your fingers spasm, and start playing perfectly.

You're scared. You try a dozen of their songs. You can play them all. You throw your bass on. Every note is nigh perfectly recreated alongside the MP3. You even try singing along, and you're able to hit the same cadence as their singer with the stupid haircut, pitch perfectly.

But, every time you try to play anything unrelated to Motion City Soundtrack, you're back to your normal, rudimentary skills. You try other pop-punk songs, nothing. You try imaginging Motion City Soundtrack playing songs by other bands, nada. You even go into Garageband and try cutting together a Bloc Party or an Interpol song into the track, and every time the song switches, your fingers suddenly get stiff, crunchy, and you're normal again.

Four months of daily practice pass by. You're still the god of Motion City Soundtrack covers, and slightly, marginally better at playing songs by other bands. By this time, MCS has released a new album, and unsurprisingly, you're able to play along without so much as a second thought. But goddamnit, you still play anything else like a thirteen year old four months into getting his first six-string.

Then, a moment of hesitation, perhaps fear, perhaps dirty excitement. You close your eyes, mentally place yourself in a room with the rest of Motion City Soundtrack, and write down a few dozen lines of lyrics. You focus, pull out your guitar, and make up some chords. Ditto your bass, and you even pat out a drum rhythm on your desk. You record each of the layers into your audio software of choice, and god damn it all, you have just created what sounds like the hit single for a new Motion City Soundtrack album, words and all, only different if that the vocals sound like Bad Haircut Man trying to imitate you imitating him. You repeat this three more times in the same night, creating the second single, a ballad, and a remarkably decent b-side.

The question is this. What, if anything, do you do with your bizzare, newfound skills?

You forsake other genres in your creative output, you start a band, you neglect to mention you can't do anything else, you get signed, and you dress as differently as possible from Motion City Soundtrack from now on. You'll have fooled them all. But really, let's hear it.

Happy New Year!

I wanted this to be more elaborate...but yeah. Maybe later.

I could sing you some Death Cab if you'd like.

That was the first DCFC song I ever heard. 

Corporate Whore

I want more posters in my room. I'm down to these.

Tell me which I want most.

Bloc Party
Arctic Monkeys
Klaxons
Joy Division
Radiohead

Well that depends on the reactions you want/the image you're trying to convey. If you're looking for that moment when the cute brunette is getting the tour and sees your [insert band] poster and goes "Oh! I love [insert band] too!!!" followed by a discussion sex, then I'd say Radiohead is a safe bet. 

The Arctic Monkeys/Bloc Party ones are good. They both have considerable followings in the U.S so I'd say 2/3 of the foot traffic in your place would get/appreciate them. 

I'm conflicted with the Klaxons one. I'm not a fan of the poster but I love what stands for. Considering the relative obscurity of the group (sadly not everyone reads NME) displaying a poster of them proudly declares "I listen to more music than you" which...you probably do. It also broadcasts your support for an up and coming group and will probably lead to "You don't know the Klaxons?! Here, let me show you! which are always a blast.

The Joy Division poster is my personal favorite. After a while you get sick of the John Lennon or Jim Morrison or (especially) the Kurt Cobain posters. The story of Ian Curtis isn't that well known despite Joy Divisions relative popularity. It acknowledges a phenomenal artist who went way before his time. It's a great "Gone but Not Forgotten" poster that also looks amazing. 

In order:

1. Radiohead (it looks like it'll rock any wall it's on, add flavor to the room, etc.)

2. Ian Curtis (what Owen said, badass pose)

*The other three are sort of boring band pictures but I'll try to make the best of them*

3. Bloc Party 

4. Arctic Monkeys

5. Klaxons

BREAKING NEWS

I wake up today to see this horror of horrors on my news feed.

http://perezhilton.com/2008-12-29-engaged-8

And my heart sinks, for the thought of Zooey engaging herself to a twatburger with cheese is horrifying. Especially since I am way more attractive and way more available.

But then, a retraction!

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/zooey-deschanel-engaged-to-death-cab-for-cutie-rocker

...What the fuck am I supposed to feel about this? This is like a sci-fi nerd with a huge crush on Starbuck finding out that she's getting married to Malcom Reynolds from Firefly.

SOMEONE CONSOLE ME PLS

Look at it this way, buddy. It could have been worse. I mean, come on - Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel together? That's like putting my favorite ice cream on top of my other favorite ice cream. It's feasible that Ben Gibbard is on the short list of famous people we can most identify, so in that way - and especially when listening to Death Cab & the Postal Service, we are sort of engaged to Zooey Deschanel by proxy. Ben Gibbard is the Everyman of indie culture, so it stands to reason that instead of indie culture's pin-up sweetheart getting hitched to a stranger, it's more like your best girl friend whom you vaguely have a crush for marrying, say, your best friend. Despite a slight pang of disappointment that I'll never be able to have her in my bed (unless Ben's into that sort of thing), I approve.

Besides, maybe she'll lend her voice to future records. And that's just too wonderful a prospect.

I think that hoping for a sexy fun fivesome with Ben, you, me, Owen, and Zooey is about all any of us could really hope for.

As an aside, fuck you, Pitchfork. "Cue the sound of thousands of blogger hearts breaking."

Couples therapy would be cheap. All Zooey would have to do to gauge her relationship would be to listen to Ben's new albums. If you're the Talking Bird you know he's tired of you burning his dinner.

oh my god. I just realized. What the hell do those two eat?! Are they vegetarians? Do they cook their own meals? Do they subside on veggie wraps from sketchy, independently owned diners next to concert venues? Or do they just dine on lyrics?

New Look, Same Great Taste

Well, how's about it?

Comments? Criticism? A bit of angry conservative input? Eh?

Also, I was thinking of putting Google ads on it to make money on a per-click basis, but I doubt our site gets enough hits anyway for it to be worth impurifying our blog with capitalism.

I always approve of selling out. More specifically, my wallet approves of selling out.

Think we could get MTV to sponsor us?

Oh yes but seriously I like it it's quite good.

The New Look is epic. How did you do it!? We could get google to sponsor us and then click our own ads...I imagine they'd be able to figure us out pretty quick, but hey, we could do it from different computers! 

CHALLENGE (Vol. 1)

Well, Matthew, perhaps this one'll suit you better.

Sixteen Track Playlist For SEX

We are all encouraged to put these together and test them. Preferably with sex. (Hey, everyone needs an incentive).

1. The Lemon Song - Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin II

2. Venus - Air - Talkie Walkie

3. Stellar - Incubus - Make Yourself

4. Revelation - Love - Da Capo

5. Yard of Blonde Girls - Jeff Buckley - Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk

6. Strangers - Portishead - Dummy

7. First Gear - The Rapture - Pieces of the People We Love

8. Cold Light - Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever To Tell

9. Tunic (Song For Karen) - Sonic Youth - Goo

10. Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf - Steppenwolf the Second

11. United Nations - Ravi Shankar - Raga

12. Halleluhwah - Can - Tago Mago

13. The Crystal Ship - The Doors - Doors

14. Touch I'm Going To Scream - My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges

15. Free Radicals - Flaming Lips - Flaming Lips

16. Maggot Brain - Funkadelic - Maggot Brain

And for the record, in real life I would probably just put on Led Zeppelin's How the West Was Won.

I want to preface my response with: I have prepared for this question like WWII vet for Atomic Annihilation (bunker and all) or Michael Phelps for the Olympics (Merman growth hormone)

1). Staring at the Sun -TV on the Radio (Gay)

2). Wolf like Me -TV on the Radio (Straight)

3). When the Lights Go Out -The Black Keys (Straight)

4). What I'm Trying to Say (at least the first two stanzas) -Stars (Gay)

5). Young Lust -Pink Floyd (Straight)

6). Black Dog -Led Zeppelin (Straight/Lesbian)

7). We Own the Sky -M83 (Lesbian)

8). Hot Stuff/Wild Horses -The Rolling Stones (Pan?)

9). A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" -Fall Out Boy (Straight)

10). My Moon, My Man -Feist (Gay/Lesbian, despite the title)

11). I Don't Want to Miss A Thing -Aerosmith (Pan-it's a classic)

12). Sofa Song -The Kooks (Straight)

13). Archangel -Burial (Pan)

14). Mama's Room -Under the Influence of Giants (Straight)

15). Here (In Your Arms) -Hellogoodbye (Lesbian)

16). Animals -Nickelback (Straight-I enjoy its lack of subtly)

I had an extra 10 but then I remembered the 16 rule. I'm not fully satisfied but I can't remember all the ones I wanted so I had to use substitutes. To be honest I'd probably just blast Wagner

I can't imagine the sex you'd have to Wagner. Okay, now I'm imagining it.

Almost done with my playlist, but on the note of Wagner, "I've never been good with music during "sexy time". Although once an ex put on Ravel's 'Bolero' as a joke. What started as a sensuous tease ended up as a sticky, intense crescendo for all involved." Bloc Party's Kele Okereke.

I thought that was fantastic.

TOP FIVE (Vol. 2) - Top Five First Five!

Best first five seconds of a song (especially the first five, but otherwise the very beginning in general).

1. Touch Me - The Doors

2. Evil - Interpol

3. No Time - Guess Who

4. Back In Black - AC/DC

5. When The Sun Goes Down - Arctic Monkeys

BONUS Question:

Best First Five Seconds of an Album:

"Moon Trills" - Bodysong - Jonny Greenwood

Then Rebel Music, Is This It?, Tago Mago, Let It Bleed

A good list, sir, but HORRIBLY inaccurate.

1. Hard Day's Night - The Beatles
2. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
3. Under Pressure - Queen
4. Helicopter - Bloc Party
5. Peacebone - Animal Collective

And for the bonus question, a split between Disorder by Joy Division off Unknown Pleasures and Daft Punk is Playing at My House by LCD Soundsystem off LCD Soundsystem.

1). All Along the Watchtower -Jimi Hendrix 

2). Morning Glory -Oasis

3). Baba O Riley -The Who

4). Welcome to the Jungle -Guns 'n Roses

5). I'm Shipping Up to Boston -Dropkick Murphy's

Bonus: The Wall -Pink Floyd, and Kid A -Radiohead. Also Bat out of Hell -Meat Loaf. In fact that's probably my #1 for this question. It opens with an epic 2 min second guitar solo

There Are A Lot of Brits in New York

It wasn't too far along before Liam Gallagher sauntered up to the mic and asked "Is there anyone from England here tonight?"

The crowd exploded in affirmative applause.

This couldn't be possible! (OK, it could be possible, but it would require practically every English person currently visiting/living in the immediate vicinity to attend. This would require an extraterrestrial level of coordination. Maybe it's a naturally occurring phenomenon). Assuming this did not happen and that the crowd was mostly American, I think their overwhelmingly positive reaction makes an interesting statement about the symbiotic relationship between American and British rock.

As we know, Rock & Roll inherited its sound from classic Southern blues, jazz, and (ha ha) Gospel. Early proponents of Rock were, of course, The King, Presley and Buddy Holly. These modest tunes somehow hopped ship to the MotherCountry and a few decades later a few boys from Liverpool were setting up on the Ed Sullivan Show.

But it didn't end there!

After the Beatles came the Rolling Stones, the Kinks, the Yardbirds, ect. After them came the equally iconic Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin, later the Sex Pistols, the Cure, and Queen (Dude, QUEEN!). The list goes on.

The bands of the early Invasion have passed into infamy. Their music has become so ingrained in American culture that it has become, by proxy, American music.

When you and your friends test your vocal range Bohemian Rhapsody or harmonize to Imagine or headbang to Immigrant Song you don't think of these songs as British, to you they're classic American Rock n' Roll.

It's quite obvious that the Invasion never ended.

When America retaliated with Punk, Britain came out with the Sex Pistols and the Clash.

When America swung back with Alt-Rock the U.K shipped over Thom Yorke (a devastating blow).

When America developed the indie movement England laughed and sent over the Libertines and the Fratellis.

This isn't a battle we can win, but we really can't lost. When you look, all these genres were born in America and exported to England.

I guess it's only a matter of time before the kids in Seattle or New York come up with some new sound and kids in Liverpool or Manchester listen to it and go "That's easy." And then they'll be the ones filled up stadiums like, for instance, Madison Square.

The cycle continues.

So the point/question I'm trying to make is: Why are the British so good at Rock?

My thesis is that their ability stems from their once being an Empire and history. They stand atop a mound of cultural achievement in politics, literature, philosophy, ect. They were (are still) a global country, often inspired by cultures not their own.

Another theory points to the Angry Young Man movement in the 1950's, which was an artistic rebellion by the lower and middle classes against the upper class and its control over the government and economy. The image of rebellion, a prevailing theme in Rock, was largely given to the genera by the Brits, with songs/albums such as the Sex Pistol's "Anarchy in the UK" and Pink Floyd's The Wall.

So, what do you guys think?

I think it's less complex actually. British culture is different, and as a result, they have a different mentality - not better, just different. Most of the US is sprawling land, or constipated cities. Americans want to make it in the world but usually to the extent that they can live comfortably in the end. Brits want success in a slightly different vein. They want to be James Bond, or they want to be knighted. And the rest are just desperate to get by. As a result, I think Britain encourages extraordinary talent a bit more. But this isn't the primary reason, I think. Class distinction is a powerful motivator, but music is an art form, and many of the simplest but most beautiful sounds have come from Britain (Lennon-McCartney's song structures, David Gilmour's guitar solos, Morrissey's childish melodies). It seems that Americans take the systematic approach to beat the system (get really good at your instrument and you'll do fine) and the Brits just know which note to hit next in order for it to blow your mind. Therefore, the question comes down to the art form itself. The real problem is how does Britain make for a more atmospheric starting point for musicians? Surely this is where Owen's argument comes in: the artistic history of the country surely supplies support psychologically and emotionally. But overall I think it comes down to just what I said: atmosphere. If you listen to Dark Side of the Moon, Abbey Road, Definitely Maybe, The Queen is Dead, and almost any distinctly British album, you distinctly hear references to things that are distinctly British: firemen with an hourglass with a portrait of the queen, etc. Britain is a grander place to live and tell of than the US. It's very difficult for a rock band to be "American" without being labeled as Southern rock or country. If Elton John wants to play honky-tonk, he's British so it's a stylistic decision. Same with Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and the Stones. The atmosphere is what makes British music. Sure they're geniuses, but the things they have to say - though no more valid than the things we have to say - are simply more musically picturesque. And seeing as music is an art form, that's quite major.

We must keep in mind that rock n roll replaced jazz, musicals, and Classical music mostly because it became about the musician than just about the music. Now I know there's this guy pouring his heart out to me and I can directly identify with him, rather than trying to identify with a character or God or a feeling by itself. From that perspective, rock n roll is 50% music 50% attitude. And let's face it. The British are cooler than we are. Why? Mostly because Britain is antiquated; they have that perspective, and the culture becomes a very grandiose concept (a portrait of the queen beats a portrait of any dead President flat out). And they can convey that inherent coolness through music. But that's why we have Weezer, and other anti-British rock bands, to perhaps birth our own identity-to-be through music inspired by something other than cool, something other than grand....

- Fool in the Rain

Your comment, "Now I know there's this guy pouring his heart out to me and I can directly identify with him, rather than trying to identify with a character or God or a feeling by itself" is inspired. It's also the reason why those art forms are yet to die out - the fact that they're being painted by the largest brushes of human emotion possible, yet somehow remain incredibly subtle. It's cool shit.

To echo what both of you said, I also think that the class structure of Britian plays a huge part in why they're so damn good at making music. For instance - what would Oasis be without their northern, working-class roots? Rock and Roll Star is all about the want, the need to escape the role that has been forced onto them. It's not an issue like it would be in America, in that if Oasis were from Boston, or Austin, or , it'd just be a song about getting rich and bonking girls. On the other hand, by being from British lower-middle class roots, it's intellectually closer to a negro spiritual - I'm going to break free of the slavery that is expected of me, and bollocks all who'll stop me.

The Brits really do an exceptional job.

End of Year Dick in Mouth

Fleet Foxes is #1 on at least five critic's end-of-year lists. I don't like them. They feel like music I should be listening to as I fall to sleep.

What about them am I missing?

The Obvious

How the fuck was Oasis?!

The mindblowingness of Noel Gallagher cannot be described in words. BUT i will try.

The first hour or so was surprisingly underwhelming. They played a lot of new songs and songs we didn't know so well and Liam was a fucktard and refused to sing any notes for more than a split-second: he would cut off every word at the end each verse so as to ruin any flow or semblance of melody. But he let up after a bit. I have to say the best parts were Noel's songs: more heartfelt and honest but still crazy cool, while not being lost in his own god-ness. The Shock of the Lightning was about the fourth song and it was the first hint that this was gonna be an amazing night. Songbird was nice, Morning Glory brought the house down, Slide Away was also nice: clearly the best songs were the mushy ones. Rock N Roll Star (the first song) would've been spectacular if not for Liam's assholeness ruining everything. After the lighter-waving-worthy Wonderwall, Supersonic closed the set. We were happy, it was worth it, but somewhat disappointing. The crowd stood there for a full ten minutes begging for their return, and finally it came. But - what is this? - Liam's not with them! Oh, gracious glory! There is a god! At this point I'm so excited that I'm about to pee my pants, but I'm convinced that they'll only play one song, and their discography is running through my head trying to anticipate what it'll be. And then Noel starts singing and I almost have to cry because he's doing a stripped-down semiacoustic version of my favorite fucking song, and as thousands of people are crying, "So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as she's walking on by!!" my life is made complete. Then - another song! A Dig Out Your Soul track, again sans Liam. And as if this hasn't been enough, Liam walks back out seemingly without his ego on him, they start Champagne Supernova and it's absolutely unreal. I felt infinite as Stephen Chbosky would say, and it's a ten-minute song. More chanting, more lighters! Now, that would've ended the night above my expectations: they had me at Don't Look Back in Anger. But, no, they play a sick I Am The Walrus and leave us drowning in Noel's aforementioned sex juices. Let me just say, 2008 began with my discovery of a band that would make me feel more alive than any musical entity ever before, and just as it was fading, 2008 ends with a supersonic relapse into an obsession that won't ever go away. At least till the end of college.

Owen, your turn.

Oh, and Ryan Adams sucked. However, to our pleasant surprise, Colin Meloy was casually singing solo songs as the audience filled in.

I'm oozing envy.

OWEN WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU.

A Note on Emerson College's Critical Role in a Radical Social Movement of No Importance

Emerson College is the epicenter of this nation's ironic revolution. Oh, you've never heard of the ironic revolution? Well, admittedly it's a bit on the subtle side, as is the nature of all great sarcasm. And who's better at sarcasm than hipsters? And where do all the hipsters live? Underground nuclear shelters built in the 50s and promptly rendered obsolete in the 60s. [As an unimportant side-note, I couldn't remember the word obsolete (thank you, Owen) and in the attempt to remember it equated its definition with the social relevance of Madonna's sexual organs - but that's another post].

Emerson kids live in nuclear shelters? I think that'd I've have heard about that. It'd probably be a step up from the LB, at least.

/rimshot

Zooey Deschanel Teams Up With Marc Ecko to Fuck Up People's Lives

I read the news today, oh boy.

Actually I just glimpsed a magazine cover on my way out of 7/11. The magazine was called Complex and it had Zooey Deschanel on the cover. Therefore, I looked at it (all the other ones had a member of the Obama family on the cover). Now I had never noticed this magazine before (maybe it's new, maybe they've never had Zooey Deschanel pose for the cover) and to find out what kind of magazine it was, I read the subtitle: "A Marc Ecko Production".

Okay, well, now I know to whom it's aimed. But one other thing caught my attention as I was losing interest - one of the feature articles on the cover: "How to cheat on your girl (& get away with it)".

I know British reality TV has telecast a man committing assisted suicide. And who hasn't seen Britney Spears' gaping vagina?

But this, gentlemen, boys and girls, this is an outright travesty of modern civilization. The media stooping to new, ever deepening lows has reached a milestone: Rupert Murdoch himself may as well have endorsed the holocaust, as far as I'm concerned. A people's publication - a proud, if controversially so, member of the liberal media - endorsing (not subliminally so they can't be faulted, not deviously so they can defend themselves by having only targeted the already iniquitous), directly endorsing infidelity in all respects.

And may I here distinguish encourage from endorse. Encouraging would be saying to he whose eyes wander: "I have the means." What Marc Ecko has done is endorse: "Everyone! Whether or not you've considered this an option, Zooey Deschanel wants you to cheat on your lovers!"

And that's just not something I want to think about when I'm fantasizing about the cutest movie star since Audrey Hepburn.

I haven't read more than two words of this article yet, besides "Zooey Deschanel" and the photo of her in the sidebox. I just want to register my extreme excitement that I'm about to read this article.

Oh my GOD, she's so fucking cute, dude. I want to direct something with her in it just for the sake of having the cutest girl ever be the star and have me be really happy every day I go to work.

...didijusttypethat... Either way, nasty shit goes on all the time on the covers of chick magazines. They're losing readers on the conventional standbys, so they're just getting more edgy and extreme as time goes on. Does it mean the end of society? No. Though it would be amusing if it were.

I Feel Like A Twat for Posting in a Row

But GUYS, GUYS. A Boloco just opened up on the Emerson block. They're giving out free burritos. I had four. I am so happy right now.

Holy shit.

Dude, free burritos? That sends my Sketch-o-Meter off like a giga counter in Chernobyl. However... OH, it's a restaurant. I had this image of a guy handing out free burritos on a block corner, like they used to pass out Monster drinks from the Monster Pick-Up on Newbury. Even if that was the case I'd go for it. I mean, free fucking burritos.

Were they good?

Dude. Sick burritos. So tasty. I ate, like, four. Om nom.

I Enjoy It

We're at 22 posts. Currently, a blog record for me.

Also, what's our policy on posting bands that omfg you haaaf to listen to?

Damn we write a lot of posts

Nice.

Just How Right I Am

Rolling Stone announced their top albums of the year list.

I hope this proves how much I win.

I mean, Rolling Stone? Fucking really?

I am the Mrs. OJ Simpson of music

This post is about Oasis. But really it's about the last Top 5 and what it means for us all.

Let me explain.

On a fairly recent Super Bowl half time show, Prince pulled out a guitar and sprayed the millions of viewers - present and on TV - with his musical sex juice. I, like - I assume - many, was not aware that Prince could play the guitar, much less so freaking well. This is probably due to the fact that my only memory of Prince is this particular half time show, which is probably due to the fact that my involvement in the 1980s is about level with OJ Simpson's involvement in the world of romantic comedies. In any case, seeing this did something to my perception of pop stars: shattered it. Up to this point, contributors to the Billboard Top Ten danced well, and any other talents they possessed had nothing to do with me. 

Now, I wasn't that young, so I did know something about music beyond the lyrics to Aqua's "Barbie Girl" and the fact that Whitney Houston had a fucked-up personal life. But bands made real music, not pop stars! What this mono-nymous she-man was doing was blasphemy.

I stop here and move on to another anecdote. Every time I'm really into an Oasis song (every few minutes or so) I can't help but wonder who's dishing out the sick guitar solos. Instantaneously, I always answer myself: Noel Gallagher is the lead guitarist, therefore it must be him. There's a problem with this. Oasis is the DIY band of all time. In retrospect, most of their fans  feel pretty stupid that they didn't write "Don't Look Back In Anger" themselves, because the musical know-how required to do so can be acquired by hiring your three-year-old cousin Jon-Jon to tutor you in music theory for 50 cents an hour. Then we realize the naked truth: Noel Gallagher is a fucking G. 

In this case, G stands for genius. 

He's composed the vast majority of all the life-changing tracks of the slacker era. This, however, is acceptable. The Beatles don't seem to be virtuosos at their instruments, and with the exception of Harrison's early riffs, we couldn't prove this either way.  They simply came out of nowhere armed to the teeth with melodies, and it's taking upwards of 40 years to recover from the assault. But it doesn't matter anyway, because they're Classics with a capital C; they're not real. Oasis is real. (A week from now, I'll have the pictures to prove it.) But I can't be Noel Gallagher if he's so good. Do you see?! The appeal is that they're just a couple dudes from Manchester, but the paradox becomes that every time he pleasures me with his able fingers, I feel a split-second pang of disappointment.

Back to Prince. If I'm disillusioned by Noel Gallagher because he can play a guitar better than I can, I'm disillusioned by Prince because he can play a guitar at all. It's different in that I never wanted to be Prince. Perhaps Prince at that moment represented the outside world, the establishment in which I was institutionalized and had developed myself within and around, specifically vis-a-vis the arts. Noel Gallagher raises the bar, but Prince created a bar where there was none. I don't know which one defeats me more.

The 5 Artists Who Embody Rock 'N Roll

1). The Gallagher Brothers (Oasis): These guys ARE Rock N Roll! It's in everything they do: their boisterous, they fight, they look great in leather, they live fast and rock hard. (What's the Story) Morning Glory has to be one of the 90's greatest rock albums. Who can resist breaking into a frantic air guitar solo when the opening chords of Morning Glory flood the air?

I think we can all on this blog agree that the Gallagher Brothers are our personal rock saviors. I'm still pissed that I didn't get tickets to see them in NY...

2). TV on the Radio: "We could jet in a stolen car, but I bet we wouldn't get too far before the transformation takes and bloodlust tanks and crave gets slaked" (Wolf Like Me).

Yea that sums it up.

3). The Rolling Stones: You can't talk about Rock 'N Roll without mentioning the Rolling Stones. They defined what it means to be a Rock Star: The oversexed, drugged out rebel. In a way you could blame the Stones for creating an unattainable standard of psychosis. Look how many have perished in pursuit. Just because Keith Richards can absorb any substance you throw at him doesn't mean the rest of us can.

Yet, I think it gives the youth of America an admirable goal to shoot for. Being a bad enough dude to bump a line of your own father. Damn.

4). Lynyrd Skynyrd: We can't forget where Rock 'N Roll was born. Rock evolved from blues and jazz, which originated below the Mason-Dixon line. I'm nominating Skynyrd because their two hits, Sweet Home Alabama and Free Bird, are excellent representatives of both Southern Rock as well as American rock at large.

5). Led Zeppelin: I'll be honest, I've never been a big Zep fan, but I can't deny their incredible influence. I'm nominating Zep because they have inspired practically every rock band since the release of Led Zepplin I. Their musicians stand at the head of the Rock God Table, their symbol (Icarus, for those keeping score) is iconic. If the Rolling Stones defined the image of the Rock Star, I think Led Zeppelin defined the sound.

Seven Headed Dragons out West

So, it seems like Blur is reuniting.

This could be interesting.

So, let me get this straight. Damon and Graham buried the hatchet, they led the media on a topsy turvy thrill ride for a few months, and then they drop this shit on our heads?

I'm not complaining, but damn. That boy knows how to play the media.

Albern said they'd rehearse to "see if we're into it" (NME). That must put Blur fans on edge. I wonder, should they get back together, if they'll keep the britpop.

No guarantee, considering how balls crazy most of Albarn's latest stuff has been. Chinese Opera? Hip hop rock soul R&B fusion? There are no guarantees.

TOP FIVE (Vol. 1)

(Yes, Matt, I'm biting your color coordination. And what?)

May this stand as Keeping Our Day Job's first edition of TOP FIVE. Anyone can play.

(And may future Top Five threads be titled also in caps.)

Top Five artists you'd summarize rock n roll with - the entire genre, however you define it, for better and for worse.

Primal Scream - psychedelia, fuzz punk, blues - name a genre, I'll name an album they've made

Radiohead - between Pablo Honey & In Rainbows, what have these guys not shown us? and they're antisocial artistes!

Prince - the entire 80s in one effeminate man's discography

Weezer - they're nerdy, sexy, & have their metal moments; Weezer is rock n roll

Gorillaz - if this isn't a borderline, I don't know what is

Guns N' Roses - Such absurd, manic opulence and bullshit. An album 17 years in the making. The best of the excess.
Oasis - Two brothers breaking out of blue collar England to historic success. Let's be frank.
U2 - The prototypical "let's become the biggest band in the world" story, only it actually came true.
Art Brut - FORMED A BAND WE FORMED A BAND LOOK AT US WE FORMED A BAND. The do it yourself attitude gone mad in the best way.
Joy Division - A generation's tragic hero, and an inspiration for those who followed.

Biology and Band Names

So I just wrapped up my Biology final and one thing I noticed as I was cramming the night/morning before was the unbelievable super-abundance of awesome band names contained within the lexicon of life. I wonder if the biologists high-fived each other upon coming up with them. "Dude, that is so Badass!" Biologists strike me as high-fivers. Anyway, here are some terms I jotted down during my 5-minute power breaks:

Outgroup: Outgroup is used to describe a species or group of species that had been ancestors to modern manifestations.

Potential Sound: Dude, "OutGroup!" That could fit any genre, though I have to admit it has a "fringe" tone to it. They could have a Nine Inch Nails, artfully screamy with generous helpings of white noise, sort of thing. I'm seeing graphic music videos and album covers. Definitely has an Explicit rating on it.

Clades: A way of sorting organisms based on evolutionary characteristics

Potential sound: Alternative rock. Probably something like Snow Patrol. Whoever picked it as a band name liked the sound of it without knowing what it means. Lyrics will probably be overly sentimental. Catchy though, at points. The sort of thing you don't want to admit to your friends you listen to but listen to a lot.

The Hardy-Weinberg Equilibrium: An "all things being constant" equation for determining levels of genetic variation in a population.

Potential sound: This sounds pretty indie to me. Probably has a flamboyant frontman. Loud, discordant, energetic and vaguely addictive. Will become the acid test for determining indie levels amongst friend groups (like Neutral Milk Hotel in 07). HWE will bring great self-satisfaction to indie snobs and will become the focus of mainstream ire towards the braggart-ness of the indie movement at large. If you like 3 Doors Down or Nickelback you probably wont' like the Hardy-Weinberg Equilibrium.


Founder Effect: The difference in the gene pools of a colony population and its population of origin

Potential sound: Indie again, but not Neutral Milk indie. More like Death Cab or Coldplay (was) indie. Devoted fan base. Will bridge the gap between independent and mainstream music. Piano. Lots and lots of piano.


Genetic Drift: Changes in the gene pool of a population due to chance (ex: natural disasters)

Potential sound: I'm hearing a lot of synth beats. They sound a lot like Burial and will try to remain as mysterious. Probably came from across the pond.


Disruptive Selection: Type of natural selection that favors organisms existing at extremes of a certain phenotype

Potential sound: Metal. Angry, politically conscious metal. Will join Disturbed and System of a Down in gaining a strong mainstream audience. They probably didn't like the Bush Administration. Will be criticized by Bill O'Reilly for corrupting American youth.

It bother's me far far more that the girl Lindsay Lohan decided to date looks like Eminem. If one of the hottest girls alive shacks up with another chick she should at least be someone the deserted male population can fantasize about. I think this was a massive Fuck You America on Lohan's part.

You mean everyone doesn't fantasize about shagging a girl who looks exactly like the lead singer of The Hives? Heartbreak.



But even though it was a fuck you to you America, I gotta give someone credit. Hilary Swank must have paid Ronson a shitton to guarantee that there would be another celebrity that looks more like a sixteen year old boy than her.

Also, I'm re-listening to Dear Science in preparation for a Dear Science Smackdown to be composed within a few days.

Prepare.

I am. I'm already putting on my dancing choose.

Exceptionally Bothersome

Does it bother anyone else that all the celebrities that I used to enjoy watching rot away from drug addictions and so forth, have all cleaned up their acts?

I want some schadenfreude. None of this moderately decent comeback shit, I want to see some coke noses.

You Two Are Wrong

Okay, so, I'm going to do my text in dark red from now on, so that it's obvious that it's mah text.

You're BOTH HORRIBLY WRONG about your top albums of the year. God, even coming up with a Top 5 was a bitch. Because, as great as some of the singles this year were (and there were a ton of amazing singles), the albums were not great.

Case and point, name me a song off the new Oasis album that is not Shock of the Lightning.

There's a ton. Oodles. I could make a list of horribly disappointing albums this year, but I'd feel like a dick.

1. Los Campesinos! - We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed. I swear to no one in particular that this album will change your life, if you look at it as an inspired guide to the tragedy of teenage relationships. It's short, but piss off, it's a brilliant short.
2. The Hold Steady - Stay Positive. Off the fucking chain. It took the Hold Steady two albums to figure out what they do best, one album to declare what they do best, and this album to show it off to the world.
3. TV on the Radio - Dear Science. Owen, the fact you don't like this album... it breaks my heart and shits into it. What is there not to like? It's like a, fuck, a post-funk album. What the hell is post-funk? I don't know, but this is it, and it's bitchin'.
4. Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs. Okay, so Ben Gibbard got me to pull my headphones off and sigh with hopelessness when I saw he wrote another song about a bed. It happens. The rest of the album being the most epic thing Death Cab has ever made, that also happens.
5. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend. The fact that I've learned more practical english grammar from an MP3 than my last four years of education combined is a horror. The songs are pretty flawless, too.

Honorable Mentions
The Black Keys - Attack and Release
The Raconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely

Both of them get mentioned because I like the albums whenever I listen to them, but I would be hard pressed to describe them in any track-by-track detail.

Also, I think I'm going to just add addendums everyone else's posts, rather than fight within the comments. I want to hope that one day we will have a sexy exciting audience who will fight with us too.

Dayjobtheism

I think this is a good opportunity for the three of us to systematically discuss our views on existence and thereby agree on something that we can call sensical. 

I've found this to be not only a lot of fun - I think Owen can vouch for me - but also surprisingly productive.  So let the debates begin! How did we get here, how should we deal with it, and why?

2008 Playlist

As December has just begun, I feel it fitting to make for all whom it may concern a playlist to commemorate and reminisce this topsy-turvy year, with songs of old as well as songs of late. I was expecting to put together a collection of mood music for the wintry season. However, 2008 wouldn't allow me to make it anything but celebratory. Therefore, huzzah! Here it is!

Lovers in Japan-Reign of Love – Coldplay

One of my favorites off Coldplay IV, with several contenders hot on its tail, we can pop open a bottle of bubbly and christen 2009 with a spirited gaze toward the horizon.

Or call it meandering filler. That's what I would call it. But I also hate Christmas.

Neon Tiger – The Killers

The way this song makes you feel captures the essence of the post-election fervor that still hasn’t really gone away. I’m proud to be able to name the Killers as the musical representatives of our Day & Age. “I don’t wanna go back, I want the new day and age. Come on girls and boys, everyone make some noise!”

Wah Wah - George Harrison

This song is the third track of Harrison's first solo album following the Beatles' break-up, aptly named - for him and for this playlist, All Things Must Pass. Harrison reportedly penned the ditty after an argument with Paul, saying he was irritated with the "wah wah" (headache) Paul had given him. This one's for you, Mr. Bush. May we never get any wah-wahs from your administration again.

My Mistakes Were Made For You – Last Shadow Puppets

Getting the politics out of the way, though this was overwhelmingly a year of political overwhelming-ness, this one goes out to President-Elect Barack Obama. I don’t know if my mistakes were made for you or if “his mistakes” is more accurate, but let’s hope he can bring a tiny bitty bit of lasting contentedness to the slightly troubled Age of the Understatement.

Half the Truth – Kaiser Chiefs

The writer’s strike took long enough to end, but meanwhile the best sports were without a doubt, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Conan O’Brien. Without their improvised antics, there would have been an entertainment deficit that could have threatened our entire universe! God bless the truthiness.

Golden Age – TV on the Radio

Wall Street woes can – albeit ironically – pretty much be summed up by TV on the Radio’s third effort. “Give it up ‘stead of grabbin’ for decay. What we viewed as gold I believe pollutes this space”

Amazing – Kanye West

Is it just me, or does it sound like Chris Martin secretly wrote two of the best albums of 2008 and passed one off as pop-rap? Kanye seems to be digging deep into music, even if it means sacrificing lyrical prowess somewhat. When you listen to it, think of Michael Phelps strutting down a back alley with 8 gold medals hanging around his neck.

I love it when Kanye forgets that he's supposed to be a rapper, because then he gets all smart and witty and fantastic, rather than acting like, uh, a rapper.

Out From Under – Britney Spears

I dedicate this brand new track to the pop princess herself. We waited for the Circus to quell and for the girl we – at least vaguely – loved to take a deep breath and return to earth, and just when the Grammys seemed to tell us that hope was futile, Britney came back, bitch. Finally, after years of circus obsession, mainstream society has realized what we subculturists knew from the beginning: tabloids are dumb.

Tabloids are dumb, but Brittney is still nuts. I stand by that opinion.

The Love I’m Searching For – The Rentals

40 years after the most haphazardly mind-blowing year of the twentieth century, a song that starts with “the sixties failed” seems okay, because we’ve finally experienced a year that can stand up to the haphaz-ocity of 1968’s mind-explosion. Think of the Empire State Building being lit up with Mariah Carey’s motif colors (lavender, pink, and white) in April as you contemplate the opening words….

Buddy Holly – Rivers Cuomo

After years of home recording, Weezer’s front man released Alone: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo. Specifically, I include this to memorialize Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker’s survival of a plane crash this year that killed four others. Don McLean’s “The Day the Music Died” gave an official title to the fateful rock n roll milestone of the plane crash that claimed the lives of Chuck Berry, the Big Bopper, and Buddy Holly. Instead of throwing in McLean’s 8 minute classic to show my secret appreciation for Travis Barker’s existence, Cuomo’s original version of his hit single seems more relevant. And makes room for more music.

Everybody Get Dangerous – Weezer

If anything has somehow captured the zeitgeist optimistically, it would be the music video for Pork and Beans, one of several Red Album tracks worthy of a year of comebacks and new directions, yet retaining Weezer’s addictive offbeat in full moustachio-ed gear. Other notables: “Troublemaker” & “Miss Sweeney”.

The Shock of the Lightning – Oasis

This is here for four reasons: because I wanted to venerate Zeppelin’s reunion with something other than a Led Zep song; because any reflection on 2008 is incomplete without Oasis’ best single in over ten years; because I’m so glad Noel’s okay after being tackled near to death in Toronto; and, because I’d kill to hear Zeppie cover it. “I feel cold but I’m back in the fire.” PS, it’s optional, but Liam’s sentimental (yes it’s possible) “I’m Outta Time” should very well follow this track.

It's impossible not to give credit where credit is due. So, let me put it this way - Oasis, epic single, shitty album. Shitty like poop.

Ten Years Gone – Led Zeppelin

Ten years ago, Heath Ledger moved to the States to pursue a film career, and we can thank our lucky stars he did. Dim down the lights, close your eyes, and imagine lying on a bed on the fourth-floor of a SoHo apartment building unknowingly hanging on to life by a twirling thread.

You Never Give Me Your Money - The Beatles

I think every time I went home to my family Abbey Road rang in my head the entire time, telling tales of personal discovery and lifting my chin up to the sunshine. So, this one's on a personal note. "But, oh, that magic feeling: nowhere to go."

Metanoia – MGMT

This is the [Hidden Track] of this set. Possibly 2008’s most promising musical duo, MGMT had the nerve in its breakthrough year to push their hipster image to the limit and release this psychedelic 14 minute single following their run-away LP success Oracular Spectacular. Hoodlums! Well, they also managed to capture 2008’s quirkiness, as well as the commercially revolutionary spirit of their sixties roots.

A band defined by the fact that they could be interesting, earnest, AND catchy as all get out? That's so cool.

Happy 2008, everybody.

I'm sure I'll edit this before the year is up.

Best Everything 2008

Is it 6 Barrel Shotgun, the idea of which still baffles the mind?

No, it's Weapon of Choice - not quite Six Barrel, but damn close. There's still hope for it being downloadable, though.

Also, seeing as 2008 is drawing to a close I think we need a Best Of 2008. We could do albums, movies, QVC products, religions, whatever suits your fancy.

Owen's Best of 2008 albums

Albums:

1). Death Cab's Narrow Stairs

With Plans I felt DCFC finally captured the sound they had been going for since Photo Album and that any subsequent albums have to have to be drastically different to mark a new direction. I was right. It seem the Seattle foursome went back to the drawing board with their first release, You Can Play These Songs With Chords to chart a new course (appropriate seeing as YCPTSWC contained a myriad of styles ranging from rock to pop to techno). Narrow Stairs is highly reminiscent of their early work, with heightened dissonance and faded vocals, along with a little something new . As always, Gibbard's lyrics are piercing and laced with the classic American melancholy of disillusionment with age and unfulfilled promises. While it took a little getting used to Narrow Stairs does a great job of diversifying their collection and if this is their new direction I'm definitely in for the ride.

2). Bloc Party's Intimacy

There exists a war between Bloc Party fans over which of their two studio albums (Silent Alarm or Weekend in the City) is superior and which, of the two starkly different sounds (Silent Alarms "noise music" intensity or WITC's soft-spoken twang) should be perused. It seems like Bloc Party, in an attempt to quell the violence, created an album that would satisfy both sides. I think they succeeded. Intimacy is highly intense album, filled with heart-racing guitar rifts (Better Than Heaven) and pulsating synth beats (Flux) while still reigning in the discordance and laying down some semblance of order. The way I see it, even if Intimacy ranks as #2 of the 3 albums for both Matt and I, it's still a good compromise.

:It should be noted that this war has been primarily waged between Matt and I and may not drastically effect the relationships of other Bloc Party fans:

No, but we can pretend that it does, and feel so very good about ourselves.

3). Greg Laswell's Three Flights from Alto Nido

Disclaimer: This is Scrubs Music. By which I mean this is music that could easily be seen in Scrubs, as Zach Braff muses on overcoming obstacles and Sarah Chalk. Musically this means that Laswell's Three Flights is crooning, highly melodic, and finds crevices of your brain in which to hide and torture you. It's probably this last feature that's promoting me to nominate it for one of the best albums of the year. Laswell continues in the style of David Grey, Augustana, and The Fray with the deadly combo of a gently strummed acoustic guitar and semi-haunting piano chord. While I know this selection isn't the deepest or the most artistically noteworthy but I can't deny that it's been racking up play counts on my iTunes. Here's one for the Main Streamer's!

4). The Indie Rock Playlist: July

I know, I know. This isn't an actual album. But neither are the Now That's What I Call Music DCLXVI (points for translation) collections. I'm nominating the IRPL July for two reasons. A) It was a phenomenal sampler of independent music from 2008 with songs to make you laugh, cry, dance, or stare out train windows and reflect. B). I haven't listened to that many real albums from 08. Prior to the July sampler I hadn't been thrilled with the IRPL series. Listening to some of them I felt like I was combing the beach with a metal detector, finding a lot of lost keys and buried retainers (I guess) and only rarely stumbling onto something worth keeping. After trudging through 120 songs I'd keep maybe 5 or 6. This changed with July. Almost every song was good, prompting me to keep every single one. It was the perfect party mix, to play in the background of small gatherings or on road trips (Poet's Dying, Ballantine's, Arcade Catastrophe, to name a few), and contained some real hits from bands new and old. It's a great introduction to IRPL although it may spoil you for any future ones.

5). Umm...well...I'd nominate either TVOTR's Dear Science or Oasis's Dig Out Your Soul but I was disappointed by both. Keane came out with Perfect Symmetry, which made me feel old because it sounds like Tom Chaplin's balls have finally dropped. Oh well, I guess I have some listening to do. I'll get back to you on this one.

Dig Out Your Soul was pretty underwhelming. In the same way that when you cook a quesadilla with nothing but a plain tortilla and a Shaw's PizzaCheese pack, it's not that it's bad, just really really boring. Not really the fault of the food, or you as a chef, it's just the ingredients weren't there.

You hating the new TV on the Radio will mean that I have to crush you, though.

Writing Something

Enough with frivolities.

Who else is as excited as I am that there's a Black Rebel Motorcycle Club song in the new Guitar Hero?

Testing

Testing, one two three. Woo yay.